psalm · 139
Search Me
now playing · Search Me
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You have been fully known the whole time — the hand that finds you holds you.
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O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my downsitting and my uprising; You understand my thought afar off. You compass my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, But, lo, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have beset me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain unto it. Where shall I go from Your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from Your presence? If I ascend up into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there shall Your hand lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,” Even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hides not from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You. For You have possessed my reins; You have covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows right well. My substance was not hid from You When I was made in secret, And curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, yet being unperfect; And in Your book all my members were written, Which in continuance were fashioned, When as yet there was none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You. Surely You will slay the wicked, O God; Depart from me therefore, you bloody men. For they speak against You wickedly, And Your enemies take Your name in vain. Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate You? And am not I grieved with those that rise up against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them mine enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.
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Psalm 139: Search Me
When you need to remember — that You're still my Shepherd.
What's Going On…
You can spend a lot of energy keeping the inside of yourself sorted into shareable and hidden — what you would let people see, what you would say in a small group, what you would never say at all. The exhausting part is that He has been reading the unredacted version the whole time. He has been acquainted with all your ways, including the ones you would not put on the list.
You do not need to keep curating. Being fully known by Him is the safest place there has ever been.
What It Means
He opens with the truth that should rattle anyone: "O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my downsitting and my uprising; You understand my thought afar off... You are acquainted with all my ways." There is no version of you He has not already met.
Then the impossibility of escape: "Where shall I go from Your Spirit?... If I ascend up into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there shall Your hand lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me." The same hand that can find you anywhere is the hand that holds you. And the dark loses its cover: "If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me,' even the night shall be light about me." The dark you have been hiding in is not dark to Him.
Then the turn: "For You have possessed my reins; You have covered me in my mother's womb. I am fearfully and wonderfully made." The God who reads your every thought also wrote your every cell. The right response is to ask Him to do the rest: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts; and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Right Here, Right Now
• Right now, pray the closing line out loud — slowly, twice: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts."
• Write this down: "What is the part of me I have been keeping in a category called 'hidden' that He has been reading the whole time?"
• Repeat this line when the urge to curate yourself comes back: "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it."
Selah
Stop. Breathe. Let the truth that you have been fully known the whole time settle into the part of you that has been working overtime to hide, then tell Him exactly what you want Him to search and where you want Him to lead you — out loud if you can.
Prayer
God, You have searched me and known me — You always have — and I am tired of editing in front of someone who has been reading the unredacted version this entire time.
You know my downsitting and my uprising; You understand my thought afar off — there is no clean angle to present.
If I make my bed in hell, You are there; if I take the wings of the morning, Your right hand still holds me.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made — You wrote my members before there was one of them — so search me now and try me, and see if there be any wicked way in me.
Lead me in the way everlasting, the long way, the safe way, the way You have known about me from the beginning.
You're still my Shepherd.
Stay Strong
You have been fully known the whole time — the hand that finds you holds you.
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